I have very high standards for myself. I have big goals and dreams and work hard to hold myself accountable to get what I want out of life. These high expectations have served me well throughout my life. I know what I’m capable of and don’t want to fall short.
However, I’ve realized that because of this I can be REALLY hard on myself- often beating myself up if I fall short of these lofty standards. It can spiral downward quickly and leaves me feeling unable to accomplish anything. So, it has the exact opposite effect of what I need to achieve my goals. I’ve recently become aware of this pattern – if by “recently” we mean that a therapist pointed it out to me like 3 years ago and I ignored it until now, lol- and I’m actively working to change it.
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Why Negative Self-Talk is Bad
I mean, aside from the obvious fact that it’s NEGATIVE lol.
Beating yourself up for all the shit you didn’t do {or did “wrong” in your eyes} takes away VALUABLE energy that you could be putting into doing better shit! Think of how much mental energy you’ve wasted on telling yourself you should’ve done x, y, z and a – w! That energy could’ve gone to actually doing it! Stop “should-ing” all over yourself!
For instance, today I did my first workout of the new year. One of my 2020 goals is to make working out a regular part of my routine. My mind immediately went to- “Wow, you’ve already wasted 3 weeks of the year.” “Why are you like this?” “Why can’t you every keep promises to yourself?” “This is why you aren’t accomplishing x, y and z – you’re not good enough.” Like, what in the actual?
Not only does this take massive amounts of mental energy away from my day, it’s creating a mental story that I don’t want to allow in my life.
Every time you tell yourself you aren’t good enough or don’t keep promises etc- you are ENFORCING that belief. You are CREATING that reality. Your subconscious says, “I am the type of person that isn’t good enough and doesn’t keep promises to myself.” Is that gonna help you get where you’re going?! Yeah, no.
How to Stop Negative Self-Talk
+ BE AWARE – This first step to correcting negative self-talk is to be aware of it. It seems easy but you’ll be surprised how far you get down the rabbit hole before you catch yourself. The more you work to correct it the sooner you will start to catch yourself and the easier it will become to re-route.
+ SHORT THE CIRCUIT – When you think thoughts over and over they literally create neural pathways in your brain- like little superhighways of thought. The more we think something the more deeply it gets engrained in our brains. We do NOT want a superhighway of negativity, so when you find yourself on it you have to slam on the brakes.
It helps to do a physical JOLT, if possible – like, I yell out, “NOPE!” or “NOT TRUE!” or “NOT TODAY, SATAN!” lol. If you’re somewhere you can’t yell out do a quick head shake or snap your fingers. Something that takes you out of your head and into the present.
+ CHANGE THE STORY – As mentioned, you don’t want to create the reality of your negative sh*t. So what reality DO you want to create? Likely the opposite of what you’re beating yourself up for. So, find the opposite and say – out loud or mentally – an affirmation that supports that.
For instance if you’re saying “I’m not good enough,” come up with some recent accomplishments that make you feel good. Remember, sometimes just getting out of bed or showering is an accomplishment! Find something! Then confidently affirm “I AM enough.”
+ TAKE ACTION – The strongest way to affirm something is to take action on it. Getting down on yourself about not working out? Book a workout class or take a short walk. Find you’re breaking promises to yourself? Make a new mini one and ensure you meet it. You keep meaning too meditate but haven’t done it? Stop and close your eyes for one minute and do a mini meditation.
Reinforce the POSITIVES as quickly as possible. You may not always be able to do this but if you can it makes it so much more powerful.
+ GRATITUDE – Redirect the energy from negativity to GRATITUDE. Specifically, gratitude for something that supports your affirmation/action. So, if you’re beating yourself about:
– working out: be grateful for your body.
– Eating well: be grateful for access to healthy foods and not having to worry where your next meal is
– Not being enough: Be grateful for your kind heart, creativity, sharp wit – something you feel great about
It may seem like a lot written out, but the entire process can be done in 30 seconds once you get it down! It immediately re-routes your brain into a space of presence, gratitude and possibility. Exactly where you need to be to be the best version of YOU.
Hope this helps!
Xx,
