Hello and Happy New Year! I had such a beautiful and restful last few weeks and I hope you have, too!
It’s important to me that the blog become more of a focus this year and that it begin to feel more personal. My blog is what got me into all this years ago. It has always been a favorite outlet because I love writing so much. Despite that, it has taken a back seat to keeping up with socials always demanding my attention. I really miss long, thoughtful writing sessions curled up in a chair with tea and a kitten or two (as I am presently).
So, I’m going to be starting each month with a little update. I’ll share some key thoughts, personal updates, blips of what I’m inspired by for the month ahead and things like that. It will allow for sharing whatever feels right at that time, sort of like a mini time capsule. A “hello” from wherever I am in life, hence the name.
This month I’m feeling all the newness and potential that always comes with the shift from December to January. Last year was easily the most difficult & heartbreaking year of my life. To be honest, the last several years all had serious trials for me and I didn’t always handle them well. The struggles took me away from my faith, from my natural optimism and from myself. In 2021 I faced some of the heaviest challenges one may go through in a lifetime, and… all at the same time lol! It was unspeakably painful in a way that forced me to make a decision: would I crumble? or would I be forged by the fire?
The more hard things we handle, the more we realize our capacity for handling hard things. At first, I crumbled. I struggled, retreated into fear and fully lost my sense of self. But challenge by challenge, I built my self-trust. As the years went on I was given lemons, and I somehow made lemonade. Each time I crumbled a little less, and recovered a little more. By the time I reached last year, the peak of the pain & heartache, I had already witnessed my own strength. I had unshakeable faith… in myself. I was also just so f*ing emotionally exhausted TBH, that I looked around at the devastation, and I literally laughed. What else can you do at a certain point? To quote Ms Queen, Ariana Grande, I had no tears left to cry.
Over the years as each new challenge came up I would put my life, and especially my dreams, on pause to handle them literally and emotionally. While there are absolutely life circumstances so large they’re all consuming, trust me, I’ve had several lol, I learned that there may never come a time when everything was calm. As each wave crashed I’d tell myself it HAD to calm down after this, and that’s when I would do X,Y,Z. But after 4 years of putting everything on hold I decided that may not be true, and I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to LIVE, not just exist, alongside whatever came my way. It was a bigger mindset shift than I even realized.
I knew I’d been putting dreams, goals etc to the side, but I was also denying myself joy, happiness, lightness in it all. When I decided I would live, whatever may come, it reacquainted me with the light and beauty of life I’d been missing. We have to remember, no matter how stormy the sky, there is always blue hiding above the clouds. I still have some of the same difficulties I had last year, but I have a whole new perspective on things, and it has made all the difference.
Anyway, all that to say, I’m feeling more “me” than I have in a long time. I feel creatively inspired and hopeful and renewed, and I hope the same for you, as well. Some things that really helped me get to this place are:
+ Daily walks outside. I’m so fortunate to have beautiful Southern California weather, but moving your body in any way, indoors included, is a game-changer. I’m obsessed with my friend Aisha’s podcast, “The Mindset Mile” and I love listening to her quick episodes when I’m out. Other picks are classical music, “The Perfectionism Project” or, for something lighter, “The Morning Toast.”
+ Cutting out coffee. I did this months ago and it truly changed my life. I was living in a constant state of anxiety and had started waking up in the morning to heart-pounding, mini panic attacks that would leave me gasping for air. My therapist suggested cutting out coffee and while I know there are tons of jokes about how giving up coffee is giving up the 8% of joy still left in your life, I’m here to say that maybe you only have 8% joy left because you’re addicted to coffee lol. My panic attacks and daily anxiety completely went away within a couple weeks of cutting it out. I’ve snuck a cup from time-to-time since and 9 times out of 10 have instant regret because I feel the physical effects so strongly. I’ve replaced it with tea or THIS or THIS.
+ Cutting substances. Another non-acknowledged anxiety source? Weed. Marijuana, Flower whatever TF you want to call it. I’ve smoked MJ pretty regularly for years now. I’m not anti-weed by any means, I actually think it can be a really powerful tool to see things form a different perspective and get to the root of subconscious issues. It certainly is better for you than drinking alcohol, in my opinion. But when you’re smoking it almost every day or more, you’re not using it to it’s potential, you’re using it as a crutch or an escape. For me, I never get anxious when I smoke, but I have super strong physical effects for several days after smoking. Anxiety, insecurity, mood swings. I cut out weed a few weeks ago and it has absolutely been a shift for the better.
+ Seeking Fun. Okay this is one I’m still working on, but it’s a focus for me in 2022 and just having it top-of-mind has been a great perspective shift. I was having a rough day a while back and had coffee with a friend who asked me, “Caitlin, are you doing anything for fun?” Ummmm, no? People do that? Lol. Sometimes, when life gets heavy it’s easy to forget that it is meant to be fun, and we have to make fun more intentional. We can seek & find fun even within the tough shit. In fact, we kind of have to in order to stay sane.
+ Grace. It took me a while to get here, but giving yourself grace is essential. We ALL deserve grace right now with the chaos the world has been throwing at us recently. Even if you haven’t had any personal trials the collective trials we’ve gone through as a nation and a planet are exhausting and overwhelming. So give yourself some grace. Go a little easier on your heart and your expectations and take extra good care of your soul in any way you can. For me, it’s getting outside, curling up with a book and blanket, taking a hot bath or shower or watching a feel-good flick.
I’m really feeling good energy from this coming year. Hoping you’re feeling rested and ready to go, too. Cheers, to the best year, yet!
Xx,
