This.

This is how I feel {kind of} about turning 30 T O M O R R OW!

 Here are some quick facts:

+ I am not where I expected to be

+ I am exactly where I need to be

+ I am simultaneously ecstatic and somewhat terrified

So, that’s pretty normal, right? I feel like I’m right on schedule for a mini-breakdown. People are living longer these days so 30 is basically quarter-life-crisis time.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually really feeling 92% like the photo above. I am SO excited for my 30’s! I feel like I’m finally starting to get my shit figured out and gain a clear understanding of what I want in life {which pretty much boils down to feeling as joyful as the above picture, as often as possible}

That other 8% of non-side-splitting-glee is comprised of enemy numero uno: Fear.

Did I mention that in addition to turning 30 I’m quitting my job tomorrow? With no clear idea of how I will be making an income after the end of the month? Yeah, that’s happening. WOO, 30!

So that fear stuff…

Here’s me.

Running the F*%^ away from fear!

{And looking both ways while I’m doing it, because 30 years has taught me that life can come at you from any angle!}

Fear of failure. Fear of what others think. Fear of uncertainty. Fear of change. Fear of not being enough. Fear of being too much.

It’s something I’m working on everyday.

I have learned a lot in my first 3 decades. For instance, how to not get bedbugs,  how jealousy can be used to your advantage,  and to wear sunscreen to name a few. But..

The number one lesson I’m taking into my 30’s

is to let go of fear, and hold on to F A I T H

Faith in Myself

Repeat after me: I am capable. I am worthy. I am a badass. I have overcome every challenge life has thrown at me and I will continue to overcome them and THRIVE. I can handle anything that comes my way- with grace and cats and mascara.

“If there’s one thing I’m willing to bet on, it’s myself” – Beyoncé

I mean, if BEYONCÉ says it… YOU KNOW.

We all doubt ourselves. Everybody feels like a fraud sometimes. We feel like other people must know something we don’t or have some special thing we don’t have. Let me tell you something I believe with every ounce of my soul:

No one knows what the f*&^ they’re doing. Everyone is doing the best they can and holding their breath.

No one is YOU and that is your POWER.

When you’re questioning yourself, reflect on times in the past when you’ve been faced with something that felt insurmountable, and conquered TF out of it. In fact, think of some moments right now and write them down so you can reference them when you need them {much easier to remember when you’re in a place of power than when you’re emotional}

Faith in Timing

Life never looks how you expect it to. Is this where I thought I’d be at 30? No. I don’t even really know where I THOUGHT I would be, but this doesn’t feel like it. Maybe I thought I would have my shit together more? But I trust that everything is unfolding as it should.

When I’m getting antsy I think about meeting my husband, Mark.

We grew up in the same hometown, went to the same Summer tennis camp, had the same friends, but NEVER met until we started dating my last year of college. Had Mark and I met each other earlier we would NOT have dated because we were such different people! We met when we were MEANT to meet.

It didn’t feel like everything was happening as it should when I was crying my way through other breakups, but it was! Those relationships, my time in college, the years of distance made me the person I was, and him the person he was, to make us right for each other when we finally met.

I am getting more into affirmations to keep my energy positive throughout the day. I like saying, “Everything is unfolding exactly as it should. My life is right on time all of the time.” Give it a try if you’re having trouble trusting in timing.

Faith in The Universe

Sometimes you put your all into something and it blows up in your face. Count your blessings. That wasn’t your path.

“Nothing is happening to you, everything is happening for you.”

When I’m facing extreme resistance from something I ask, “why?” Is this a lesson I am supposed to learn? Is this an obstacle I’m supposed to overcome? Or is this something I’m supposed to let go of? The secret is, at some point, after you’ve worked it over and done your best, if you still don’t have a clear answer, give it up. Give it up to God, The Universe, Energy, Chance, Fate however you want to look at it. Give it up. The answer will always reveal itself.

If you have genuinely given your best in a situation and feel you’ve done everything you can do but it still isn’t going how you imagined, as tough as it may be in that moment, have faith that there’s a reason for it. There may be something much more beautiful than you could even imagine waiting for you once you release control.

Faith in Joy

This is the new ultimate for me.

If it doesn’t bring you joy, fulfillment, peace. Don’t do it.

Moving forward, I’m trying to make joy my barometer.

I’m not doing things because I feel guilty {one of my go-to emotions. ugh} or because I feel like I SHOULD. I’m not doing things to please or impress anyone. I want as much joy, in as many areas of my life, as often as possible. If my level of stress or anxiety or fatigue is regularly exceeding my level of joy, I will be majorly assessing things. Because…

“What I know for sure is that you feel real joy in direct proportion to how connected you are to living your truth.” – Oprah Winfrey

In my 30’s I am embracing the SH*T out of living my truth.

So there.

I hope you will join me in adding more F A I T H and J O Y into your life regardless of whether or not it’s your birthday or if you’re only 24 or you’re 82 or whatever. It can’t hurt!

Also, I would love to ask a birthday favor of you:

Do something wonderful and unexpected for someone. It can be someone you know or a stranger. But keep your eyes peeled for an opportunity to make someone SMILE. An unexpected compliment, a kind gesture, a moment of gratitude. Have FAITH that you will know the moment when it appears.

I’d love if you shared with me in the comments or on Instagram any advice you have for me in my 30th year, your favorite life lesson to date, something you’re working on right now, OR the thing you do that makes someone smile!

Remember:

“The best is yet to come and, Babe, won’t it be fine! You think you’ve seen the sun, but you ain’t seen it shine.”

All photos by the incredible Nicole Balsamo Photo

Xx,

C