My Skin Cancer Story – AKA How Botox Saved my Life

Cancer is something you always think will happen to someone else. I think skin cancer especially is regarded by a lot of people (formerly, myself included) as this foreign, minuscule threat. If it were to actually happen it seems like more of a small annoyance than a life threatening disease, right? So laying out by the pool/using tanning beds/ forgetting sunscreen etc. doesn’t really seem THAT bad. Skin cancer IS highly curable if detected early BUT the American Academy of Dermatology points out that 1 person dies from skin cancer EVERY HOUR in the US and 1 in 5 women will be diagnosed with skin cancer in their lifetime.

This makes early detection SO important, which is why I want to share my story with you, because my cancer was lurking in my face for over TWO YEARS.

I’m not going to bore you with medical shit about skin cancer because I think this is often what causes us to tune out. You should learn these things and you can find out all those scientific deets here. But I’m going to share my actual skin cancer experience + the most common questions I get about it. I hope it encourages you to be extra sun safe and get your skin checked at least every year by a dermatologist.

How I Knew I Had It

I didn’t. Sort of. So, about 4 years ago I had a tiny, pale, freckle on the side of my nose that started bleeding occasionally when I washed my face. RED FLAG NUMBER ONE. Seems obvious, right? Like, ok, Caitlin, your face is f*&ing bleeding, I could have told you that wasn’t normal. But it only bled occasionally and it was SO small. It just looked like I had somehow scratched my face with my nail or something. I thought maybe it wasn’t healing because I was washing makeup off of it every night? Anyway, I went to dermatologist back home who took a look at it and said “eh, that’s not skin cancer. It is abnormal, but I’ll just freeze it and you’ll be fine”.

FYI this same dermatologist told me not to use sunless tanner bc I should be happy with the skin color God gave me. Insert eye roll emoji here.

So he froze my spot. Then, the ring came.

When the frozen area healed I got a small, raised ring where the tiny scratch had been. It was the same color as the rest of skin and was still SO SMALL. It literally just looked like sort of an enlarged pore. Even when I pointed it out to my best friends they said they didn’t notice it until I mentioned it. But to me it was like a mini volcano on my face. It bugged. I was SO pissed at that dermatologist for what I thought was disfiguration from his freezing technique.  Since my experience was so bad I never wanted to go back. I just went about my life covering the area as best I could with makeup/primers/etc.

Cut to two years later when I’m getting toxed {Yes, I get botox. Gotta keep it real with you guys. If this is something you have questions about let me know in the comments here or on my Instagram and I will do a post on it} and I say to my guy, “Hey, is there anything I can do to fix this hole in my face?” He looks at my nose and says, “Ummmmm…I don’t want to say anything for certain because it’s not my speciality, but you need to go get that looked at by a Derm RIGHT away.”

Within a week I was at a dermatologist (in LA, not the jerk from my hometown) who told me just by looking that I had basal cell carcinoma growing in my face. That’s right. IN my face. The surface still looked the same as it always did because the cancer was growing INWARD.

How I Got Rid of It

My Doctor recommended Mohs surgery, where they scrape away layers of your skin and test them for cancer cells on site. Then they keep scraping until the tissue sample comes back as cancer free. It’s the best way to ensure you get rid of all of cancer cells while sacrificing as little healthy tissue as possible.

Sounds easy enough, right? I figured they would scrape a thin layer or two, slap some Aquaphor on there and call it a day. I don’t want to scare you, but I want you to understand the seriousness of skin cancer the way I did not before this experience: I was in surgery (awake, they only numb you topically) for over 4 hours. They didn’t just “scrape” the surface of my skin, they DRILLED INTO IT.

To see a VERY GRAPHIC photo of what my face looked like where they removed the skin cancer, you can click here. The pic is very poor quality and I have mostly blurred myself to retain a small shred of dignity, but left the hole as clear as I could given the low quality pic.

You could have EASILY fit a marble into the hole in my face.

The surgeon said, “I want you to see the hole, so you understand why you are going to have so many stitches down your face.”

Wait, what?! Stitches?

Yep, three LAYERS of stitches to be exact, because the hole was so deep.  This was the aftermath (graphic pic number two).  Pic was prior to my eye swelling shut for a week. Fun shit.

Life After Surgery

So I am now CANCER FREE! That is the most important factor, and what I clung to as I attended numerous Spring social events (weddings, showers etc) with over an inch of stitches running down the side of my nose.

Once my stitches came out I was left with a scar about the same size that the stitches were.

I’d like to say that I’m so grateful to be cancer free that I wear my scar as a badge of honor, to help spread the word about skin cancer, but let’s be real- it bugs me and do everything I can to minimize it. Creams, gels, massage, lasers. I’ll do a separate post on reducing scars when we get into the skin care goodness.

My scar is at a point now where the redness is minimal and it’s mostly just a texture issue. But because the hole was so big/deep pulling my skin together to close it did alter my face a bit. On the surgery side I have a slightly different shape between my eye and nose. I also have an under-eye circle which was not there previously.

I now see my dermatologist for a skin check at least every 6 months. Since finding this cancer last February I have had 3 other biopsies and one other much more minor surgery.

Side note, this shit is expensive. As if you needed another reason besides gaping holes in your body, layers of stitches, wrinkles and hyper pigmentation to avoid the sun, let me tell you, your shoe money will be cut drastically. I have pretty good health insurance, but this month alone I have had to pay over $600 for the biopsies and excision I had performed on my back. That is almost a new pair of Louboutins or rent if you live anywhere but CA or NYC. No thanks.

I always wear high SPF sunscreen, ALWAYS wear a hat when I’m outside doing physical activity. I never lay out and if I’m at the beach or by the pool I’m hiding under and umbrella. Even in the car I bend into weird positions to avoid the sun on my face or arm. I actually did these things for years prior to my diagnosis, but the damage was done long before the last few years.

Final Thoughts

To wrap up this freaking novel, I am SO INCREDIBLY THANKFUL that my cancer that was removable. So many others are not so lucky. I had to share this before I share my beauty oriented skin tips with you guys because healthy skin is what is most important.

I hope this gives you some insight into skin cancer away from the normal medical perspective. Please, take it seriously and work to prevent it as best you can. SUNSCREEN. LIMITING SUN EXPOSURE {I literally hide from it now}, HATS, SUNGLASSES and REGULAR DERM VISITS FOR SKIN CHECKS.

Have you or anyone you known ever dealt with skin cancer? Do you have any tips for minimizing scars? {I’m always looking for new techniques}. Share your tips/experiences/questions in the comments!

Xx,

C