Lessons on Self-Commitment from Falling in Mud

Today is the day I decided to re-commit to my morning routine.

Does anyone else feel like sometimes the things we know are the best for us seem the most difficult to maintain? It is a struggle I’ve faced over the past few weeks. The implementation of healthier habits and beginning to see positive changes in my life, only to swoop in with some lack of worthiness self-sabotage bs and knock myself off track. Super off track. Like a ricochet in the opposite direction.

There are a whole host of psychological reasons for this we could dive into but that isn’t what this post is about. It’s about falling on my a*& in the mud and why it was awesome.

I committed to myself last night that this morning I would get back into my morning routine and break the pattern I ricocheted into over the past couple weeks. I would wake up early, journal, read and then go on a walk to get some movement in before I start work for the day. I even scheduled it in my calendar hour-by-hour.

My alarm went off and… I was sooo warm and cozy. It was still dark out. I didn’t want to get out of bed. But since I’m a perfect specimen of a human I said, “You committed! It’s scheduled! No excuses!” and leapt out of bed. Just kidding… I pushed the alarm another 30 minutes then spent that time rolling around, beating myself up about how I was letting myself down and never keep my own commitments. Ringing a bell for anyone? Lol.

But THEN I got out of bed and reminded myself not to fall into the all-or-nothing mindset trap. Just because I woke up a bit later than intended doesn’t mean I’m a failure or my whole routine is out the window. I got out my journal and let out all the self-critical, negative thoughts swirling around in my head. I never judge what comes out of me when journaling- just let it all out, stream of consciousness. It usually starts out somewhat negative but as I release my neuroses onto paper inevitably I feel better and end on a positive note, excited to take on my day.

Journaling took less time than I’d scheduled so I threw on a jacket and shoes and headed outside to get my body moving. At this point I am on a HIGH. It is incredible what following through on commitments to yourself does to you in even the smallest doses. I journaled, I got outside in the cold and the wind and I was WALKING.

I put on my “Mindset Mile” podcast to get my day off on the right foot. I take in the sun lighting my path, the smell of the damp, cold air and the flowers waking up to the day. I am feeling truly ALIVE. Bursting with the endorphins of exercise and the wonder of life surrounding me I make a fateful decision:

I want to see the donkeys.

The other day, we discovered we have some mini donkeys along a path in our neighborhood. What more could you need when you’re bursting with joy than to add MORE joy with small, fluffy donkeys?

I turn down the path that leads to donkey joy and I feel like I’m in a movie. Look at me! Committing to myself. My fitness. My joy. Brimming with gratitude. Seeking out life’s gifts of mini donkeys… I’m feeling so good I want to RUN to them. SO I DO. I race to the mini donkeys down a dirt path without giving any thought to the fact that just 2 days prior we had a downpour of rain and hail. Before I know it I’m screaming and sliding and FALLING down a VERY steep hill of straight MUD. No control of myself whatsoever. I fall completely on my A*&, mud covered.

There are two options in this moment. Fall into despair and negativity: I should have thought of the mud, the rain. Take it as proof that I’m not doing a good job etc. But the purpose of orienting our thoughts to the gifts around us and focusing on the positive aspects of our lives is that BEAUTY becomes the sense through which we see the world.

Since I had shifted my focus this morning I had set myself up in a position to… laugh. I laughed so hard that I cried, (happy tears). I didn’t turn around despite the donkeys being quite a ways ahead of me with nothing but mud in sight. Despite that fact that my WHITE shoes were clumped and coated with mud. I kept going, I slipped and fell 2 more times as I climbed the steep, mud-laden hill but I was SO proud when I finally reached the peak! I pushed through challenges and didn’t doubt myself, I just kept going, one step at a time, until I arrived. Arrived to my donkey friends only to find that… they weren’t there. They were inside their little barn due to all the mud, OBVIOUSLY. They aren’t crazy like me. But I just kept laughing.

It was a necessary reminder that we can do hard things. That we can stay committed to ourselves when we don’t feel like it. That climbing the mud-laden hill to our goals is worth it and the journey will teach us great lessons about life and ourselves, even if they donkeys aren’t there at the end of it all. The sun will still be there, and the flowers, and the crisp morning air, and most importantly, the faith and trust in ourselves and our abilities.

Cheers to a great day.

Xx,