Let’s get real.

I’m gonna be super honest right now because I think jealousy is a bigger issue than ever due to Instagram etc, and most people aren’t talking about it/won’t admit it.

So here we go: I was having one of THOSE days last week. A long day when I was just over it. Nothing seemed to be going right, and I was doubting pretty much everything about my existence lol.

I know, I know, I should have meditated or done some yoga or my gratitude journal, but it’s always the moments we need that shit most that we are “too tired” to do them, am I right? #workinprogress  So I was having a shit day and I did the worst thing you can possibly do after a shit day… I went on SOCIAL MEDIA.

UGH. WHY.

OF COURSE when we do this in our most vulnerable moments we wind up on that person’s page.  The one you unfollowed a long time ago so you wouldn’t see their posts. But someone just asked you if you had seen them recently… You should see how they’re doing, right? It’s been awhile…

 Wait, they just bought a house?! Wow. What a f*&%ing perfect house that is. Good for them.

They really love their job, I mean, who wouldn’t, they barely work and are constantly traveling- like wtf even IS that job?

Oh look, there they are wearing those shoes I wanted. That’s cool. They have great taste.

They are always so happy. I’m happy for them that they’re so happy. They really know how to take everything in stride and always see the positive. I always see the positive, right? I mean, I love my life-I have so much to be thankful for… So why do I feel so gross right now?

When we are vibing high, “in-the-flow” and practicing gratitude, it’s easy to not be jealous. As Queen Oprah says, “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” I want to emphasize that if jealousy is something you are feeling regularly, you should definitely focus on daily gratitude practice and strengthening your abundance mindset. BUT if we are keeping it real- honestly, some days are rough, and it’s harder to feel connected to that peaceful, trusting energy. No matter how zen we are, or how often we practice gratitude, jealousy is a real feeling that everyone deals with occasionally.

And it sucks.

It makes you feel behind, inadequate, NOT ENOUGH.

Several people told me my Instagram life made them feel jealous last year. I was shocked 1- because I never want to make anyone feel this way, but 2- because last year was arguably one of the worst years of my entire life. That is the problem with social media and why I always want to keep it real with you guys. Here’s the truth:

Last year on my social media people saw:

My awesome job at the Oprah Winfrey Network

Magical moments from our engagement and wedding

My honeymoon through Italy, Germany and Paris

Leaving my job at OWN and getting to work with my husband

Chic outfits and delicious meals

Last year people didn’t see:

The emotional stress of leaving my job at OWN to jump into Mark’s company during a huge business transition, so I could drown in paperwork I knew nothing about for 14+ hours a day.

The marble-sized skin cancer I had cut out of my face. My eye swollen shut next to the stitches that ran from my eye to the bottom of my nose, and the subsequent scar it left behind.

My mom getting diagnosed with breast cancer and immediately undergoing a double mastectomy. Moving in with my parents to help care for her- being apart from Mark on our 1st wedding anniversary.

The credit card debt from those magical wedding/honeymoon moments + buying too many of those chic outfits and delicious meals in an attempt to deal with my stress. #keepingitreal

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LISTEN. I am NOT upset about any of these things or complaining. I 100% know how good I have it in life.

I’m so grateful to work with Mark every day- I’m glad they could cut out my cancer, most are not so lucky- I’m grateful beyond words that they caught my Mom’s cancer in time, that I had the ability to take time off work to care for her- that I have such a great relationship with my husband that an anniversary doesn’t matter at all in the scheme of things (PS Mom, if you’re reading this, no one could have pried me away from being with you so do not feel badly!) – And I’m so fortunate to have a job and a paycheck that allows me to pay off my debts.

I just wanted to make the point that NOTHING is what it looks like on social media. It is a highlight reel. 

That being said, it still feels shitty sometimes to see someone’s highlight reel if you’re having a low moment. So what can we do about it?

The key to jealousy is to learn from it and then eliminate it, ASAP.

Jealousy is nothing more than a magnifying mirror and a big flashing gratitude reminder.

The things we are envious of with others are always a reflection of issues we have within ourselves. 

Step 1 – Identify Why You Feel Jealous

When I’m jealous of someone I take a moment to pause and ask myself, “Why?” What is triggering about this particular thing for me?

When you evaluate why this particular area is troubling for you, I guarantee it will come down to fear. Fear that stems from a lack of worthiness. Jealousy can be used to our advantage because it shines a light on our self-love weak points. There is a reason this area is triggering for you and now you can work to overcome it!

In order to do this, identify what you are afraid of/ don’t feel worthy of and then turn it into a positive by finding areas in your life where you already have what you feel is lacking.

For instance, say you are jealous of the beautiful new home someone just bought. Why? Is it because you fear you may never be able to have a house like that? Is that because you don’t feel worthy to feel a sense of stability? Accomplishment? Abundance?

Where DO you have stability? Your partner? Friendships? Your job? Find somewhere you have the thing you felt a lack of and appreciate that.

 What accomplishments can you point to that you can give yourself a pat on the back for? Even just getting out of bed and facing the day is an accomplishment sometimes!

Give yourself credit.

Work through the issues to establish a new set of beliefs that change your mindset from one of lack to one of abundance.

Step 2 – Get Grateful Again

Once you’ve figured out why this area is a trigger for you and worked to re-route your thought patterns from lack to abundance you should be feeling a bit better. This will make connecting to gratitude again feel easier.

Write down at least 10 things you have to be grateful for in this moment. Be specific and really feel your gratitude for them as you write them. No matter how shitty your day may be, there is always someone who has it worse. Focus on everything you DO have to wash away the notion that you need anything else.

Do you have air in your lungs? A heart that is pumping? Food to eat? A bed to sleep in? People you love and who love you? Working limbs?

Feel all the abundance that surrounds you in your life. Remember that THERE IS ENOUGH SUCCESS TO GO AROUND FOR EVERYONE. Seriously! We can all shine! Someone else’s joy and accomplishments does not diminish yours, the more the merrier.

Step 3- Let it the f*&k go.

Realize that jealousy is actually stealing from yourself.

We have limited amounts of energy each day. If you’re using your precious energy to be jealous, you will have less energy for more positive and fulfilling areas of your life.

You literally make your life worse by giving energy to jealousy because not only are you losing energy that could be used elsewhere, but you are manifesting MORE negative energy into your life!

Ew. No thanks.

Put your blinders on and move forward by taking control of your energy and directing it toward something positive in your life.

If it’s still hanging around…Speak It

Sometimes despite our best intentions shit still feels hard.

I have found that the quickest and easiest way for me to dismiss jealousy once and for all is to talk about it. NOT to someone else, we don’t need to be gossiping or bashing each other. Speak directly to the person you’re jealous of.

Comment on their post or give them a call and congratulate them and casually but genuinely drop in that you’re jealous. Their response will probably surprise you. You may get some back story, you may get a compliment, you may get nothing, but you have DEFINITELY gotten if off your chest. Whenever I have done this it has led to some really meaningful and beautiful conversations and I always feels a weight off my shoulders.

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Let’s Sum it up…

1. Identify why you feel jealous and use it to your advantage- this is an opportunity to work on some areas in your psyche that need a focus adjustment

2. Write down at least 10 things you have to be grateful for in this moment, really feel them and the abundance surrounding you in your life

3. Let it go by reminding yourself that lowering your vibration to jealousy is stealing from yourself – and acknowledge out-loud that you’re jealous {if you need to}

4. Celebrate how badass your life really is

PS

There is a big difference between someone who emanates  “look at my best self” vs “I am being my best self, and you can be your best self too!”

One is gross and the other is awesome.

We are at our best when we are helping build others up as well as ourselves.

Remember, that there’s enough success for everyone. When you inspire other people with your best self and help them be their best self too, everybody wins. If you say “best self” every other word for 4 sentences straight you probably win too. So I’m the winner,  but you can be the winner too! {see what I did there? Huh? Did ya?}

This attitude will send out good energy which will attract more positivity into your life. Plus, helping others makes you feel good and gets you out of your head. Another win. #allthewins

Have you felt jealous of someone recently? How did you deal with it? Do you think social media makes jealousy more prevalent? As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments or on Instagram @lostluxe

Xx,

C

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