Remember to look for the bright spot in the rain- I took this on a particularly grey LA day
You know the scene in a movie when the main character has just gone through a breakup and they are a blubbering, non-showering, ice cream-inhaling mess on the couch? That is legitimately me when I encounter times of extreme stress, anxiety or loss {except my weapon of choice is doughnuts/ pie / cinnamon rolls/ any baked goods within a Postmate’s radius} I usually forge through difficult things and stay strong, stay strong, stay strong for so long that eventually I break and the above scene takes place and hide in a hole until I can’t stand myself anymore. Anyone else?!
Whew, what a few weeks it has been. I know many bloggers and businesses are choosing to stay silent right now and conduct “business as usual” but I just can’t. No matter your beliefs or whom you voted for, I think we can all agree- it’s certainly not business as usual right now in America. Politics will certainly NEVER be a main focus of this blog, but living life at the best levels always will be and I, personally, have felt many emotions over the past two weeks, sometimes to the point of overwhelm.
Stress Reduction
When your cup is empty, it is impossible to help others fill their cups. It is also pretty hard to be creative / think clearly / be a human in the world.
This is all I know guys, courtesy of Jack Johnson…
“Love is the answer, at least for most of the questions in my heart. Like, “Why are we here?” and “Where do we go?” and “How come it’s so hard?”
LOVE. Love is the answer. But before you can love and help others you HAVE to love and help yourself. Put your own oxygen mask on first. Here are my 3 quick tips for getting back to the point of breathing, I find it helpful to remind myself of them whens hit is hitting the fan:
1. Feel the Pain
It is so important to feel all your emotions thoroughly. Trying to push them down or ignore them is recipe for disaster {As I can personally attest to from several inappropriate time/place sobbing sessions. Ugh} A life-coach friend of mine once told me that with physical pain we are often trying to control the pain, tensing up nearby muscles etc- but the best way to handle pain is to move THROUGH it- lean into it and rather than isolating it by trying to control it, let is spread through your whole body so it is dispersed and slowly evaporates. You may have to do this 100 times over, but it works. I feel the same is true for emotional or spiritual pain.
2. Cut Yourself Some Slack
You have to grieve before you can be ready to move on and grow. As a perfectionist {not something I love} my initial reaction, and I’m sure many of yours, is to immediately take action to “fix” the pain. Do something to help others to make myself feel better and remind myself that it could be worse. Stress about what I’m going to do when I feel so hopeless – then spend 30 minutes feeling guilty because there are plenty of things that are worse.
Listen. Everything is relative. Yes, there are many things that may be worse than what you are going through at any particular moment, but you still have permission to feel pain. Your life may be easier in many regards to someone else’s but that does not make your difficulties any less valid. Remember the oxygen mask analogy, yes it is important to see outside of yourself and action will help you move on but not until you’re able to breathe.
3. Focus on Gratitude
So now you’ve been moving through your pain rather than fighting against it. You’ve acknowledged that your feelings are valid and you are not a bad person even if you have it easier in certain ways than others in our world. Now, WITHOUT GUILT, take a few deep breaths and focus on all you have to be thankful for outside of the pain. This is not to fall prey to the “Do I even have a right to feel badly right now” issue above. This is just to help in moving from a place of fear {Stress, anxiety etc} into a place of love {gratitude}. Because remember, you have to fill your cup before you can overflow into anyone else’s.
Gratitude via Tony Robbins
I love Tony Robbin’s method of thinking of all you have to be grateful for: start with yourself {your health, your drive etc} then slowly circle out and get wider and wider with your environment {a comfy safe, warm bed and the like} then wider on to your friends, family, lifestyle etc etc. A key I learned from Shawn Achor when I worked at OWN was that gratitude has the strongest effect on your brain when you focus on giving thanks for specific things that have happened within the last 24 hours.
So when I say start with you above and used your health as a suggestion, an ideal gratitude would be “I am grateful that I woke up this morning feeling no aches and pains and was able to walk around and do everything I needed to do, including running to my car when I was late for work.” It’s easy to say “I’m grateful for my family” without REALLY feeling it. But thinking in specific terms of “I’m grateful I got to talk to my mom on the phone yesterday and that she is still in my life and in good health” is scientifically proven to have a stronger positive change on your brain chemistry.
So get specific.
I hope these quick tips help you the next time you’re feeling down or stressed. Let me know your tricks for coping with tough times in the comments!
Read about what to do when you’re in a funk here.
Xx,
C
